It was night time. I was in my teenage years.
I remember lying on what used to be my bed. On my night stand, a lamp with a helical, blue wooden foot. Its light was reflected on the wall, clearly restricted by the hood of the lamp. I was staring at the wall and the very pronounced lines that were reflecting upon it. The light was sharply inhibited. In a way, I was shocked that the light of the bulb was so restricted by the hood covering it.
Without even realising it, the whole situation became a parallelism with life itself. In that moment, I asked myself: what is beyond those lines which are imposed by the conventional? What is beyond what we know? What is beyond our comfort-zone, illuminated by the light of what is around us? What would happen if I dared going beyond those demarcations? What if I dared getting rid of what stops the light from shining without limits? What would I be able to see if I took a step out of those boundaries, daring to go beyond that small light?
That same night, I wrote some thoughts that arose in the deepest part of me. It was the first time I had ever written something personal, and it was actually the last until about 12 years later.
The text reappeared in a drawer some years later. When I read it, the hair on my arms stood on end and, for a second, I felt completely naked. I felt vulnerable and defenceless when I found myself face to face with my soul. I would even say I felt ashamed (How could I not? I had become so disconnected from it!). I tore that paper apart in a thousand pieces, full of pain and cowardice before the possibility of obeying the voice inside me.
That first moment is still vivid in my memory, with the light reflected on the wall as the only image on my mind.
That was probably the moment when I unconsciously decided that one day I would leave the confines of past experience to search for the true meaning of life. However, many things were yet to happen: I had to search for happiness where it was impossible to find it. I faced great loss. I ran after what I had always been in essence. And, above all, I had to slow down to be able to glimpse that light that could only shine fully after getting rid of what was restricting it.
Going beyond the metaphor of all these words, what is it, in short, what limits us? Fear. What can that translate into? It can translate into a compulsive search for security, reputation, possessions or a place to belong to. It can translate into the longing for a new promotion, a new achievement, a new good contact or compliment. It can result in the yearning for approval or the need to belong, to meet the expectations of others or to fulfill our own ideas of success. That fear can become the wish for a very stable comfort-zone somewhere away from everyone else, alienated from the world. Fear translates into identification with the things of the world: our community, our football team, our religion, our company or even our family. And, as a consequence, we become aggressive, outrageous or frustrated whenever any of those feel threatened (even if it is our mind that created that threat!). Addictions, dependencies, jealousy, stress, inability to let go of people or objects, difficulty in accepting what is… It all cycles back to the same.
All sorts of identification with things of this world are a limitation before totality.
If we got rid of the confines of our mind, we would discover that our light is simply unlimited.
We are slaves of our own minds. True freedom comes from within.